Table Mountain - 11 August 2008

Jen keeps saying that Cape Town reminds her of San Diego. You've got a relatively nice city on the ocean, with some mountains overlooking it. You also have the wine country nearby.

Today we went up Table Mountain via the India Venster route. Venster (pronounced "Fenster") means window, and the route takes its name from a point where there's a view whose outline looks like the Indian subcontinent. Or so I'm told - I never actually saw anything that looked like that, but oh well...

Since Jen let me arrange this portion of the trip I talked with the guide and he worked in some scrambling to our route. Jen was a good sport and went along, and I really enjoyed the opportunity to spend some time moving up the mountain without just walking.

If you ever do climb Table Mountain I strongly encourage you to use a guide. There's an "easy" route, which would qualify as trudgery, and then there are a bunch of faintly marked other routes. I lost track of the number of people who were lost and asked our guide for directions.

We also saw two people in front of us go way off the trail and have to circle back and basically start over at one point. If you're still not convinced, consider this:



It says "This is not an easy way down." It means "This is an impossible way down." Our guide regaled us with tales of the misfortunes met by other hikers. Evidently an Englishman ignored this sign (along with others) and managed to fall over a cliff here, landing on a tiny edge. He was able to call for rescue on his cell phone, which seems to be how most stories about lost hikers on Table Mountain end.

There are some nice views, though, and I'm glad we did it.



For dinner we went to Saigon, the first place that actually understands what "spicy" means. Unfortunately I wasn't feeling well, and wasn't very good company. If Jen ever gets her blog started I'm sure she'll expand on that.

In Vino Veritas - 8 - 10 August 2008

And so we're off to the South African wine country, headquartered in a little town called Stellenbosch.

I'm not going to go into a lot of detail here. There are some very nice wineries, although it's not as well marketed as the wineries in Napa or the Barossa Valley. Instead, it has a more down-home feel for the most part.

There is one notable excption, however, a winery named Spier has a complete family-style experience set up. Lonely Planet doesn't speak highly of their wines, but they do recommend stopping by. It's a great place for a picnic, or you can eat at the restaurant where you're required to paint your face. (Hey, I come from a place where steakhouses cut off your tie, what can I say?)

The interesting thing about Spier, is that in addition to the restaurants, the duck pond, and the wine tasting they also do some wildlife preservation and education. This includes the opportunity to pet a cheetah.

Yep, they've managed to combine the ingestion of alcohol with the petting of fierce animals. I'm astounded there's not some ridiculous waiver involved.

Regrettably, we didn't take the opportunity to pet the cheetahs, instead watching (safely) from a distance. Maybe next time. As they say, "always leave something left to do, so you have a reason to go back."

Of course next time we're in New Zealand I am going to Zorb.

How fragile we are - 7 August 2008

Today we were supposed to hike Table Mountain, which overlooks Cape Town. When we met with the guide, though, he gave us the option of postponing until Monday because there was fog on the mountain.

Cleverly enough, they refer to this as the "Table Cloth."

We elected to have a lazy day, instead, and spent the day sleeping and spending far too much on internet access. Funny how you can blow through 4 hours of internet in the blink of an eye.

For dinner we went to an Italian restaurant, called Nona Linna, and that's where probably the scariest thing yet happened.

We heard the squeal of breaks and then a lady screaming what I can only describe as a heartbroken sob. She ran into the restaurant and started imploring the people there to call an ambulance. Her husband was hit by a car.

I don't know what happened - I didn't see. The workers at the restaurant did not seem particularly helpful, but I'm also not sure that there's a nationwide 911-like system. You could see all of the foreigners in the restaurant thinking, "What if that were me?"

Evidently one of the other patrons was an EMT of some sort, because he dashed out of the restaurant and started helping. After what felt like an eternity (but was probably less than 5 minutes) ambulances and police cars started showing up.

We were told later that the husband was going to the hospital, and that he was going to be ok. Still, it brings home how quickly things can change - how tenuous our presence is.

Swimming with Sharks, literally - 6 August 2008

One of the great(?) things about this trip is that it gives me time to reflect. I've been thinking about it, and I think the seed for this trip was planted over a decade ago. Back then I was working at Texas Instruments and one of my colleagues took a year off to follow his wife to Australia for her job.

When we were catching up after their return, he talked about how wonderful it was and how little things had changed back home while he was gone. He also talked about some crazy adventure involving boats and salt-water crocodiles, which leads us to today's story.

Lonely planet mentions that you can go shark diving in South Africa. Being a conservative soul at heart, it's not something I'd seriously considered. Of course Jennifer thinks it's a wonderful idea, so off we go at 5 am this morning to go shark diving.

Those of you who are eco-concious probably have some of the same doubts and concerns that we did. "Isn't this wrong? Should we be teaching sharks to associate humans with food?" That lasts until the first shark shows up and then it's a race to see who can get in the water first.

A few clarifications are in order, though. You're not really diving. They put you in a cage by the side of the boat, and when they see a shark they yell "down", and the direction that you should look. Also, seeing a shark isn't left to chance - they're chumming the water the whole time and using pieces of tuna to entice them closer. Oh, and one other thing, it's winter here and the water is cold, 15 degrees celsius (~ 60 degrees fahrenheit).

All of that, though, is trumped by this:



And since my spiffy new camera is waterproof, this:



All in all, I highly recommend the experience.

Conflicted (about a gadget)

So if you've been keeping up with the blog you might have picked up on the undercurrent of desperation when it comes to books.

I took 5 with me, and had them finished before the first week was up in Tanzania, then I tore through the books Jennifer brought that I hadn't read, and finally I was reduced to buying more books (in multiple places).

As a result, I've been trying to figure out a way to keep enough reading material with me without having to lug around a library. I guess I could FedEx stuff (or even just abandon books), but right now I'm seriously considering an Amazon Kindle.

If you don't know about them, they're e-book readers that allow you to store a ton of books, and read them on the go. More detail is available here. I'd finally convinced myself it was the wrong way to go, and then along comes a blog post from Dave Hitz, one of the founders of NetApp. I highly recommend his blog.

If you don't want to read the blog, I'll cut to the chase - he loves the Kindle, so now I'm conflicted again. If I do decide to get one, I'll follow up with a review.

In case you're curious, the reasons not to get one:

• Expensive
• Wireless only works on Sprint's network, which is only in the US (and spotty at that)

Don't know much about geography - 5 August 2008

No really, I don't. It's a source of constant amusement to Jen that I just don't care where things are.

Quick quiz. When I mention the Cape of Good Hope, what springs to mind?


Do you think of Diaz, De Gama, Prince Henry the Navigator? Do you think of the Southern-most tip of Africa?


I did, and it turns out I was wrong. The Cape of Good Hope is the most South-Western point of Africa. The southern-most point is at Cape Agulhas. I found this out reading the park literature after paying to enter the Cape of Good Hope. Here for your viewing pleasure is a confused and disappointed Man-Ox:

We never made it to Cape Agulhas, but according to a knowledgeable source it's not all that interesting - the Cape of Good Hope is where it "should" be.

The day wasn't completely wasted, though, there are penguins to be seen on the way to the cape. They're cute little buggers, but it's nicer to look at them than to smell them - trust me!

Laundry Day - 4 August 2008

As you might expect, we've got quite a bit of dirty laundry. I'm not talking about normal, at-home dirty laundry - I'm talking about a week up Kilimanjaro followed by a week crammed into plastic bags dirty.

The kind folks at the Express by Holiday Inn (that's Holiday Inn Express to us) gave us directions to a laundry mat, so that's our accomplishment for the day.

While doing laundry I pondered the different degrees of dirty, and came up with the following. Feel free to add your own:

Freshly Laundered
Laundered, but in contact with dirty clothes
Worn once, for low impact travel
Worn more than once, for low impact travel
Worn for walking/dining
Worn in smoked out room
Anything to which the description "swamp" may be applied

We took a cab to the Waterfront Mall (the V&A) in Cape Town, and ate at a place called Balducci's. The food was average, and I rapidly tired of the club-type music they were playing. The thing that stood out, though, was that there were pictures of naked women all over the place.

On the menu, on the walls, on the little tags they put on the wine glasses to say what wine it was. I guess I'm prudish, but the equivalent would be if a restaurant in the Galleria had Playboy for their menu.

Regression to the mean - 3 August 2008

Jen has asked me to plan this portion of the trip, so things are going to be a bit more sedentary from here on out. I used the free internet in the hotel this morning to book us a flight to Cape Town, and we'll be staying in a Holiday Inn Express. Stay tuned to see if we get any smarter.

Two interesting notes from today:

Jen ordered waffles at our hotel this morning. They came with ice cream, which she thought was butter and then spread on her waffles. I don't think it's going to catch on as the preferred way to eat waffles.

It seems that every airline that isn't U.S. based considers it their responsibility to feed you if you set foot on their plane. We took a 2 hour South African Airlines flight (SAA), and they gave us a light meal. I'd bag on American again, but I know for a fact that United isn't any better.

Stay tuned for our scintillating journeys to the laundromat, the shopping mall, and the high-end steakhouse.

Maybe I'll start measuring my life in airport layovers - 2 August 2008

I may have invented the memory, but I recall my parents taking me to an airport when I was young and taking a ride on a small plane - I think just so I'd have the experience.

If they'd only known, they probably would have saved themselves the trouble.

Today is our travel day from Tanzania to South Africa. Both of us being cautious by nature, we made plans to get to the airport 2 hours early, which turned out to be a good thing, since our flight was an hour earlier than scheduled (and by scheduled I mean scheduled 2 weeks ago, not 6 months ago).

Courtesy of the extra hour, we ended up spending over 7 hours at the Dar es Salaam airport, which in turn allowed me to read Under the Banner of Heaven, by Jon Krakauer. It was one of Jennifer's books - I've finished all of mine already.

The book is captivating - it interweaves multiple narratives related to Mormonism, including the history of the official Mormon church along with a number of fundamentalist sects. At its heart, though, it is the story of a gruesome crime committed by religious extremists.

I'm not going to digress into a religious discussion here - we'll save that for when I'm not travelling, but a couple of points in the book surprised me regarding the political clout of Mormonism. Regrettably I don't have the book with me, but if you'll permit me to paraphrase:

• In my lifetime it will become impossible for a candidate to win the presidency of the United States without the support of the Mormons
• Mormonism will take its place alongside Christianity and Islam as the third major world religion, a uniquely American religion

Both of these stunned me - I had no idea.

Word of the indeterminate time period

The word for today is caltrops, brought to you by the (admittedly terrible looking) movie Death Race, whose trailers are omnipresent.

For those of you not in the know, a caltrop is a weapon that is shaped like a jack, only with sharpened ends. It's been used to slow the advance of horses, infantry, and in modern times vehicles with pneumatic tires - or at least so says wikipedia.

I learned the term playing AutoDuel on the Commodore 64 - a long time ago. It's served as a sort of touchstone in my circle of nerd friends. Any time there's a police chase, or just the need to discourage someone from driving in your yard, the trusty caltrops is the way to go.

All of that to say that I'm considering seeing the movie just in case the caltrops make an appearance.

But I'm on vacation!

In case you haven't noticed, I've been growing a pathetic excuse for a beard during our travels. This is an almost annual rite, wherein I establish that in spite of being well over 30 I still lack the ability to grow facial hair. I've been trying ever since I was in my late teens, and while things have improved (considerably, hard as it may be to believe) I still can't achieve the old-testament prophet look that I'm going for.

In honor of this continued failing, I'm opening a new poll, "With the beard, who do I look like?"

Here are the options:

Ron Howard:
Roy Munson (Woody Harrelson, from Kingpin)
Hans Klopek (Courtney Gains, from The Burbs)
Groundskeeper Willie (from The Simpsons)

Vote early, vote often - be amused!

Safari Wrap Up - Safari, Day 7 (1 August 2008)

And with that, our safari adventure has ended. It was very enjoyable, but there are a few things I'd do differently next time, specifically:

• Rest a day between Kilimanjaro and starting the safari (and do laundry)
• Spend more time in fewer parks
• I'd probably just stick to the Serengeti and Ngorogoro. It's not that the other parks aren't nice, just that they're not unique. It's also tough to keep a positive attitude when you never get to unpack your bags.
• Research the accomodations better ahead of time

But all in all, I can't complain - it was a great time. I'll upload a safari gallery, and replace the Kilimanjaro gallery with it next.

By the way, if you ever want to see all the public photos I've got up, you can just go to http://picasaweb.google.com/chadwickh/.

Gotta catch 'em all - Safari, Day 6 (31 July 2008)

On Safari you'll hear reference to "The Big 5." This is the list of animals that supposedly define a successful safari experience, and you'll be asked if you managed to see all of them on your trip.

The Big 5 are:

1. Lion
2. Elephant
3. Cape Buffalo
4. Rhino
5. Leopard

If, like me, you look at this list and say "Wait, Cape Buffalo? What about a Cheetah, or you know, something that doesn't chew its cud?" Then it will help to know the origins of the list.

The list was created by big game hunters, and is indicative of the difficulty in bagging each of these animals. The Cape Buffalo makes the list because it is especially difficult to kill, and because it has a tendency to ambush hunters who think they've fatally shot it.

I bring up the big 5 because before today we saw everything except the rhino. Rhinos in Tanzania are only found in Ngorogoro Crater, so where do you think we spent today?

Evidently there are only 16 rhinos left in the park, they all have names, and are tracked closely by the rangers. We did spot one, and watched it for quite some time, but the the pictures fall into the "gray blob" category.

We also saw a bunch of buzzards, which led us to a recent lion kill of a zebra. Again, no good pictures, though. I've really got to get that telephoto lens.

The night was spent at the Ngorogoro Farm House, which is very nice. It's similar to Tloma, which I raved about several days ago, but much larger. I did get roped into taking the farm tour with Jen. It's targeted more at old ladies, though, and I felt a little out of place. I was especially embarrassed to not know what nastertiums were, since evidently that's common knowledge.

Smoke gets in your eyes (and clothes) - Safari, Day 5 (30 July 2008)

We finally spotted our leopard today. Hah! Spotted a leopard - get it? Oh, never mind:

I've cropped and zoomed this so you can see - he's got an antelope of some sort with him.

We also followed a lioness around for awhile this morning, and saw her drink from a pool just like a (very large) kitty:

Then it was time to leave the Serengeti - and the driver was in a hurry.

In my job, I go on a lot of sales calls. One of the interesting quirks of sales people is that for them the time necessary to get to an appointment is simply a math equation. "Ok, it's 30 miles away, and I've got 15 minutes, so I've need to average 120 miles per hour. No problem." As a defense mechanism, I've taken to buckling in (tightly) and concentrating on my blackberry.

Unfortunately, my blackberry is in a drawer at my in-laws. It probably wouldn't matter anyway, since there are neither seat belts nor handles in the back of the land rover and I'm being tossed around like a sack of potatoes.

I spent some time trying to distract myself by converting our speed from km/h to miles/h, but refuse to believe that he's really taking these roads that fast. Finally, I turn to my lovely wife to commiserate, only to see that she's sleeping!

Somehow, against all odds, Jen has managed to not only fall asleep but stay asleep as we're bounced around the interior of the cabin. I'm stunned by this, as is the driver. She is literally being thrown between the side of the truck and the armrest on her chair, pitched forward and back, and yet she's still asleep.

Hey at least it distracted me for awhile.

Today's blog title is reference to our accommodation. Another tented camp, another dearth of hot water and electricity. They did have fireplaces in the room, but evidently without working chimneys, so of course we had to open all the windows to avoid being smoked out. Nothing to be done about our clothes, though.

Hippopotamus Gorgops

Some things are just fun to say. A couple of days ago, during the drive to the Serengeti, we stopped by the Olduvai Gorge, "The Cradle of Mankind."

It's not much to see - more a museum to what they found way off in the gorge (and have since buried to protect). Even the centerpiece isn't that impressive to look at - it's a preserved track of humanoid footprints. They're so faint that I could have seen them a million times and never given them a second thought. By museum, I mean two-roomed structure, plus gift shop.

I did, however, develop a fascination with one of the prehistoric creatures mentioned there, the Hippopotamus Gorgops. A relative of the hippos we know and love today, the Gorgops was larger and had its eyes on stalks.

To me, the name just conjures up images of a terrible beast rising ominously from the depths. I make it a point to say this to Jennifer at least once a day, and am rewarded with a heart-felt eye roll each time.

My bladder, actual size - Safari, Day 4 (29 July 2008)

On Kilimanjaro we were expected to drink 3 litres of water per day to avoid dehydration. As you'd expect, this meant we had to pee - a lot. It wasn't that big of a deal, though, since we could just go "use the rock."

I'm still drinking a lot of water, and I have to go often, but now I'm in a shiny metal box surrounded by wild animals.

I bring this up because we were sitting today watching what was supposedly a pair of cheetahs stalking an antelope of some sort. I say supposedly because in spite of the crowd of range rovers nobody seemed to know where the cheetahs were. After 15-20 minutes of this, I told the driver I needed to go. He was shocked, while Jennifer gave me the "you've got to be kidding me" look.

Thankfully I was able to ride it out long enough that Jennifer wasn't too upset. We still never saw the cheetahs.

We did see some giraffes and more hippopotami:


We also saw lots of dead antelopes in some trees - signs of an active leopard, although we didn't spot one today. I didn't have the benefit of going to the San Diego Zoo School, like Jen, so I didn't appreciate leopards until this trip. They're actually quite frightening.

On a more domestic note, last night during dinner I mentioned to the lady who runs the camp that I'd be interested in trying ugali. Ugali is a Tanzanian staple food, basically maize flower made into a paste that you then eat with your hands, forming it into a scoop that you use to eat whatever sauce you've made with it. It's pretty good, maybe I'll make it sometime.

"Hair on your shoulders, and the age in your eyes" - Safari, Day 3 (28 July 2008)

I've loved that lyric since I "came back" to country music during my last two years of college. If you don't recognize it, here's a YouTube clip of the song being performed. Be warned, though - this is Country country music.

Question: Anyone know who wrote the song? I had it stuck in my head that it was Mel Tillis, but after some brief research think I've got it mixed up with "Ruby, don't take your love to town." (Speaking of great lyrics - "If I could move I'd get my gun and put her in the ground")

We went to the Serengeti today, and now I understand why we're in a Land Rover. The infrastructure here is poor. I grew up driving the occasional dirt road in Arkansas, but nothing was as bad as this, and I'm talking about the entrance to the crown jewel of the Tanzanian National Park system. We spent half the time zig-zagging across the road trying to avoid craters. Our driver was completely beaten up by the jostling from the road.

The Serengeti is different than the other parks, though. We got there late in the afternoon and saw this almost immediately:


Yeah, that's a cheetah. There were two of them there, but it was so crowded we didn't get to where I could get a shot of both of them together.

Then, we drive down the road a little ways, and get this about 5 feet off the side of the road:


Yeah, that's a lioness with three cubs nursing. Evidently there was another one in some bushes that we were too close to see. All in all, a much more exciting day than either park we've been in so far.

And now for something I'm not proud of. I let Jennifer arrange all of this part of the trip, so I didn't realize that we were staying in the actual Serengeti in tents. I was expecting a tented camp, or hoping for something similar to the Tloma house, so when we pulled up I was not happy. I guess it's an object lesson in setting expectations.

Then, a couple of cool things happened. Dinner was outstanding. Both of the previous places were a little frou frou for our tastes, but here we got a pepper steak, some potatoes, and some veggies. Not too far removed from what we'd eat at home.

Next, on the way back to the tent we saw a jackal running through the camp site. It freaked Jennifer out, but I actually thought it was pretty neat.

While we were talking that night, though, I did say "I wish Bruce were here, 'cause then at least I could play some Command and Conquer or Starcraft"

Around the lake tonight - Safari, Day 2 (27 July 2008)

Today's safari location was Lake Manyara. We didn't spend a whole lot of time here, but we did see our first Hippopotami. There was a pond full of them, but rather than show you a picture full of grey lumps in a pond, I figured I'd go with the traditional "yawning hippo" shot (cropped so you can tell what it is):


We also saw baboons, elephants, giraffes, and for the final treat, a lion lounging in a tree.

Unfortunately I've got about 30 shots of a tree with a tiny yellow spot because he wasn't very cooperative. Won't bother you with that one.

Just a quick word about accomodations. We spent last night at Maramboi Tented Camp. It was nice enough, but there were no power outlets in the room, nor was there hot water outside of certain parameters.

Tonight we spent at the Tloma House, which is supposedly owned by the same people, but is much more to my liking. It's an intimate place with roughly 20 rooms, but they have power, hot water, and a fireplace in the room. I wish we could have stayed here longer.

Back in the States

Just a quick note to let everyone know that we've safely made it back. Jen's off for her first interview tomorrow, I can't imagine getting back on a plane.

iPod Touch RAGE

I originally composed this on my iPod touch, only to discover that when I took a break to grab a snack it went to sleep, then connected to another access point, thereby losing what I'd put together. Grrr!

We're in Hong Kong Airport right now, headed from here to Vancouver and from Vancouver to Denver. So far we've spent about 14 hours and planes, with another 14 to go. I'll blog more about it once we're home and I've got some distance. Let's just say that at the halfway point it's been an eventful trip home, for an entirely different set of reasons than the outbound trip.

Hong Kong's airport is very nice. It's my first time here so I can't say how much of this can be attributed to the Olympics, but the shopping is excellent, as is the selection of books. I got David Sedaris' "When you are engulfed in flames" and Terry Pratchett's "Making Money". Hopefully we won't have to buy more books in Vancouver.

Oops, gotta go - Jen's back so I'm relegated back to the iPod touch. I'll finish up the Safari and post South Africa over the next week.

"John, is there a toilet nearby?" - Safari, Day 1 (26 July 2008)

Today we were picked up by our safari driver bright and early, and driven to Tarangire National Park (in Tanzania). This park is known for Baobab trees (also known as the tree the crazy monkey shaman lives in in The Lion King) and elephants.

We started off at the park entrance where there were a bunch of Vervet monkeys playing around, and then went on into the park. We went to a watering hole, where the animals seemed to take their respective turns drinking and playing in the water.

They literally queued up - it almost had the feel of a wild animal park about it.



As for the blog title. Well, if you've traveled at all then you know that you're bound to experience intestinal distress.

If, like me, you tend to experience intestinal distress even when you're not traveling, well, let's just say it can get ugly.

We're driving along the bumpy roads in Tarangire in the trusty Land Rover, and I'm desperately trying to deal with the churning of my bowels. It felt as though someone was doing the Diet Coke and Mentos experiment - only I was the can of Diet Coke.

About an hour after I started experiencing *ahem* discomfort, I asked the question above. Thankfully there was, and it was the best thing I saw all day. :)

Cheers.

The correct answer to the poll

Is 18. I don't know whether to be encouraged that only 2 of you thought I went commando, or discouraged that I'm that predictable.

The breakdown:

• 4 socks (two pairs)
• 3 pairs of long-johns
• 1 REI hiking pants
• 1 Rain pants
• 1 underwear
• 2 boots
• 3 long-sleeved tops
• 1 REI Hiking Shirt
• 1 down jacket
• 1 goofy hat (ubiquitous)

Safari coming next...

And that’s a wrap – Kilimanjaro, Day 7 (25 July 2008)

A four hour hike downhill and we’re done. There are a few things about Kili that I regret, some based on expectations from Jen’s last trip:

• In spite of 8 years of stories about latrine prowling Leopards, we were never in danger from wildlife
• Likewise, the hard-boiled egg never made an appearance during the trip
• I was too chicken to get pictures of the A&K “experience” - I could have used some of Kris Provincio’s pluck
• Tanzania isn’t as wild as it was 8 years ago. Cell phones work everywhere – Jen’s actually rang the first night, and our guide is texting the whole way up. Evidently phones even work at the summit. Sadly we don’t know how to dial the states.

Other notes:

• If you go up Kili, you want to get to the latrines as quickly as possible. Not everyone is considerate and Jen’s unfortunate experience is not atypical. The morning at Karanga I looked down into the corner of the latrine to see a frozen sheet of ice. Then I realized why there would be ice in the bottom of a latrine.
• It looks like the guide gets a cut of the tips from the porters. We gave directly to each porter, but saw some transfer going on later.
• Some (lucky?) subset of the porters rode the bus down with us. We stopped at a little roadside store; they called out to this woman and started handing her money. Confused, I watched her go into the store and come back with beer. Evidently there’s no open container law. NOTE: The driver did not drink, at least not that I could see.
• I had to go into Arusha to visit the ATM, since we borrowed some money from Helen to cover the tip (courtesy of the Precision Air shakedown). The machine wouldn’t let you take out more than 200,000 shillings (about 200 dollars) per transaction, and gave it to you in 10000 shilling notes (which are the largest). I made three transactions of 200,000 each – so I had 60 bills in my wallet, certainly the fattest it’s ever been. The problem is that no one wants 10,000 shilling notes. They’re impossible to get change for

I hope you’ve enjoyed everything so far. I’ve put up a gallery of pictures from Kili on the right. Next will be our 7-day safari, which will seem like relative luxury.

I’ll give the answer to the poll question once the voting closes.

“In awesome wonder” – Kilimanjaro, Day 5/6 (23-24 July 2008)

Summit day! Erm, Night!

They set us up so that Helen is with Justaz, Jen is with Hamisi, and I’m with Kefas. Jen’s in front, I’m in back. Using your powers of deduction, figure out where Helen is.

Early on it looked like Jen was going to beat us all there. Helen had problems with her boots (they were too tight and she didn’t have circulation), her hands (the hand warmers weren’t working). Jen was way ahead, and I was expecting to title this comeuppance. Justaz asked if I wanted to go ahead, and Kefas and I took off.

It’s a beautiful night, with a half moon and not a cloud in the sky. One of the porters is singing “How great thou art,” and while I’m still thinking of anything other than left foot, right foot I take a minute to appreciate how beautiful it is up here. It’s so bright that I switch off the head lamp, and just follow Kefas’ footsteps. I pass Jennifer, and ask if she wants me to stay with her – she tells me to go on, so I do.

Then I just turn off. I know there was a mind-numbing trek up loose gravel, and that the straw in my water bottle has frozen. I’m retching every 10-15 minutes, and making noises that indicate something bad is about to happen, but manage to keep everything down.

Kefas and I made it to Stella around 5 am. Thanks to my determined ignorance I didn’t understand why he was hugging and congratulating me. In typical lizard-brain fashion all I could think was “This isn’t the summit, what’s the big deal?” I asked Kefas if we should wait for the rest of the crew, but he thought they were at least an hour behind, and that we shouldn’t wait. We took a protracted break, during which I almost fell asleep, and then headed for the summit.

About 6 am I made it to the summit. The official certificate says 6:13 am, 24 July 2008. It was cold, it was dark, and I just wanted to get down. Maybe if we come back I’ll be able to appreciate it better, but this time I just wanted to get a couple of pictures and get down. Kefas was surprised I didn’t want more pictures, but it was so dark that the LCD on my camera didn’t show what you were taking pictures of.

Heading back down I ran into Helen, who looked awful. I mean god-awful. Evidently she had just been sick, but she did make it to the summit. I asked about Jen, and they had just passed her.

We crested Stella, and I could see Jen at the bottom of the gravel. I was so empty at the point I just started breaking up when I saw her. She had a similar reaction. When I got to her we tried to go back up together, but were both too spent. Think we look a little beat here?



We ended up turning back, where the real beating began.

There are two ways to get back down the mountain. You can go back the way you came, which is both a beating, and requires navigating around the people still headed up, or you can go down the “quick route.”

The “quick route” essentially consists of dirt skiing. Seriously. I saw people using their trekking poles like ski poles, kicking up little trails of dust. You don’t realize how far you’ve come until you spot the camp way off in the distance, and keep reaching new plateaus where the camp isn’t.

The only comparable experience I can think of is running a marathon – a parallel that Helen echoed.

When we finally got back to camp they tried to feed us. For the entire hike I ate about two bites of Clif Bar, and I’m not hungry now.

We got a brief nap and then had to hike about 4 hours down to the last camp site. I don’t know that I’ve ever been more tired. I did, however, finish the Clif bar.

On the plus side, I got a good night’s sleep.

Trudgery, part 2 – Kilimanjaro, Day 5 (23 July 2008)

Gah! Another 4 hours of going slowly insane. We’re at Barafu, the last camp site before the summit push. We’ll get up at 10 pm, eat some dinner and head up around 11.

Be careful what you wish for – Kilimanjaro, Day 4 (22 July 2008)

So after the boring trudgery of yesterday, I was repaid in spades today. My diary says “Best day yet – not boring at all.” It also says “Justaz secretly trying to kill us. Up and down, up and down.”

Today covered from Barranco to Karanga. On the six-day hike we would have pressed on to Barafu, and then to the summit tomorrow night. We’re on the seven-day hike for extra acclimatization, though, so today’s hike was only supposed to take 3 hours (at least according to the sign). It took us about four and a half. When we got to camp I felt fine, and thought we should press on. Then I took a nap. For four hours.

Karanga is my least favorite camp. It’s got a tremendous view of Kibo, but the entire campsite is set on an angled plain. When I woke up from my nap I had to stumble downhill to the latrine, and felt like I was going to fall over the whole time. At first I thought it was altitude sickness, but I’m pretty sure it’s just a function of being on a tilt. It reminds me of Silver Dollar City, an amusement park near my home town. At Silver Dollar City they have a funhouse where there’s a room with a tilted floor. They’ve got a pool table set up, and at regular intervals a pool ball comes out of the wall, traces a parabola across the table and goes back into a corner pocket. Meanwhile you’re fighting millennia of evolutionary developments in balance trying to get out of the room. It’s the same thing here.

That movie was so boring, even the trees walked – Kilimanjaro, Day 3 (21 July 2008)

The quote is taken from Clerks 2, used to describe The Lord of the Rings.

WARNING: This is an extremely profane movie – the quote is edited, and I do not encourage any of you who haven’t seen it to go watch it. You will be offended, that’s the point of the movie.

But the quote nicely sums up what today felt like. It was a long slog, with me in the back of the group, basically watching the feet of the person in front of me. I don’t handle boredom well, and today was boring. I even invented a word to describe it:

trudgery (verb): the combination of trudging and drudgery, applied to any hike of 4 or more hours where there is less than 15 minutes worth of interesting activity. Especially applicable when you are forced to go slower than desired, when people (including the guide!) make a point of stopping in front of you for no apparent reason, and when you can literally feel your sanity starting to slip.

I developed a mild altitude headache today, and the guide’s advice was to sing a song in my head. So I sang Elton John’s greatest hits, some Erasure, and some George Michael. I’m starting to understand why my Tivo thinks I’m gay.

We hiked up to the Lava Tower for lunch, which is at 4600 m or roughly 15000 feet. I’m supposed to be losing my appetite, but so far that’s not happening.

The night was spent at Barranco. It was so memorable that I had to look at the picture of the sign from the gate to figure out where we spent the night.

To top it off, I had to use the hole in the ground. Thankfully without incident.

At least it will be tough to clog them – Kilimajaro, Day 2 (20 July 2008)

What little propriety I have left prevents me from posting a picture of the toilet facilities. In some way I feel like the zoo animals from Madagascar. I’m so accustomed to civilization that I don’t know what to do when confronted with a more primitive natural environment.

I vaguely remember outhouses as a child, and know for a fact that I’ve voided in the woods before, but it’s been a long, long time. So being confronted with a shack with a 12” x 8” hole in the floor was quite a shock. I mean, couldn’t they make it bigger? Or actually rig up an outhouse?

My first thought was that I’d just avoid going number 2 while we’re up here – but that’s 7 days. Thankfully I didn’t have to today. Jen, though, found that the world would be a better place if more people shared my performance anxiety. “What’s that squishing noise? Oh!”

There is at least one group on the mountain without these concerns, though: Abercrombie & Kent. Jen and Cari ran across them when they were on Safari in 2000, and made fun of them for dashing off in their Land Rovers every time a call came across the radio.

Evidently they are the luxe travel group. We’ve received brochures from them in the past, but they’re just so expensive that it was out of the question. Now I know why. At each camp site they set up a complete little compound with matching tents, a dedicated latrine tent, and a dedicated shower tent. Outwardly I’m mocking them for being soft. Inwardly I’m longing to be clean, on day 2.

Fans of Monty Python will know how to complete this question: “How can you tell he’s a King?” The same applies to A&K.

Today’s hike took us from Machame to the Shira Caves. According to our guide, Justaz, the porters used to sleep in the caves that surround this site instead of in tents. To hear him tell it, the porters would prefer to sleep in the caves, because they’re warmer. Unfortunately the caves are collapsing and there was an accident where several of them were killed.

I say several, because Justaz consistently says that three people were killed whenever discussing mountain tragedies. Initially I took him at his word, but after four or five descriptions where “three people were killed”, you either start doubting or make sure that you’re in a group smaller than three.

Shira peak (which the caves take their name from) is a collapsed volcano visible from here. It looks quite forbidding, almost like Mount Doom (at least to me). See for yourself:



We also got a great view of Kibo, the name given to the bulge at the top of Kilimanjaro, and I was able to indulge my need to take panoramic pictures:

So much for planning - Kili, Day 1

In an ideal world, you would spend the night before you start climbing Kilimanjaro resting nearby. You'd have a nice, starchy meal, go to bed early, and start the day off nice and early.

Instead, we got up at some ungodly hour to catch a shuttle to the airport in Dar Es Salaam, where we were promptly shaken down for all of our cash. THIS WILL FEATURE PROMINENTLY LATER ON. Evidently when Precision Air says that they take credit cards, they don't mean for payment.

Plus, they'd bumped us to a later flight. I guess we either paid enough, or looked distressed enough that they "talked to the supervisor" and got us back on the right flight. Appropriately stressed, we landed at Kilimajaro airport (JRO) and were met by the folks from Tropical Trails. We drove straight to the Machame Gate signing over traveler's cheques the whole way. (I can't affect an English accent in the blog, but I can use their spelling).

Once at the gate, the guide gave us our water and set about putting the expedition together. Evidently they hire most of the labor there on the mountain. We walked about 10k (6.2 miles), with a vertical climb from 1800m to 3000m (roughly 6000 ft to 10000 ft) above sea level. It wasn't particularly strenuous, but it also wasn't particularly interesting.

Hey, look! Rain forest. For hours. Without animals. With mud. Lots of mud.

Plus it was misty, so I didn't get a view of Kili all day. That night, though, while dealing with the 3 liters of water I was told to drink that day I got a breathtaking view.

Here's the two of us at the sign by the Machame Gate, describing the stops on the path:

Sorry if you like suspense

I made it to the top of Kilimanjaro. Plenty of amusing (and scatological) things happened along the way, and I'll blog about those over the coming days.

To tide you over I've got a poll to the right for your amusement. See if you can guess the right answer.

I'll also upload some picture galleries, possibly interspersing some of Jen's pictures (they'll be the ones that have artistic elements like composition and focus). Jen's also don't have thumbs, unlike the picture below:



This fine gentleman's name is Kefas. He accompanied me to the top. Accompanied really doesn't describe it, though. He carried my pack, encouraged me, and was generally unaffected by the whole ordeal. He didn't even try to dodge when I made some very convincing vomiting noises. In case you're curious, I didn't vomit - nothing left my mouth.

There were 3 of us climbing Kili. A woman named Helen joined our trek at the last minute (more about her in later posts).

For the 3 of us there were:
9 porters
1 cook
1 assistant guide
1 guide

So 15 people went up the mountain. Only the guide, assistant guide, and Kefas actually made the trek to the top (1 guide/tourist). The porters basically carry about 55 pounds apiece, and are responsible for beating you to the next camp site so that camp is ready when you get there.

Put another way - they carry twice as much as you do (at least), don't use their hands, and climb twice as fast as you do (at least). As far as I can tell they eat once a day, and use about one third of the water that you do.

They're the real man-oxen.

A day without internet is like a day without Sunshine

And I've had two weeks.

Ok, that's not really accurate. I got a couple of emails out right after the climb, and Jen and I splurged on 35 minutes of internet yesterday. Here's how it broke down:

Minutes spent fighting with security settings: 14
Minutes watching Jen coordinate interviews: 13
Minutes spent watching Jen file messages: 5
Minutes spent vainly trying to login: 3

Tanzania is lovely, and the people are friendly, but I'm adjusting to the idea that hot water and power after dark are luxuries.

Tomorrow we're off to South Africa, where we'll try to get a hotel with WiFi. If so, expect massive updates.